Yep I've change my LJ name. For a couple of reasons...

1. Whenever I give out my LJ name the old one didn't flow... everyone kept forgetting it!
2. My old LJ name is my username for many things and I'm changing these because of security issues.
3. For those who aren't my friends, when I post I'd rather keep my real names to myself

So I've been keeping an eye out for a Black Wolf user name that didn't have silly numbers after it. And this one just became available. Basically my real life name means Black or Dark and I have a very big respect for Wolves. So much that the tattoo I've had designed for myself has two wolves with a hidden phoenix design in it. So this seemed appropriate.

Hopefully nearly everyone who knows me has my real life email address etc this won't cause any confusion.

Hugs to all

Mel
Black_Wolf

Blimey I haven't posted an update in ages and have been a poor friend in keeping contact with everyone end of last year... there was a reason, just not a pleasant one!

Firstly for those who didn't know after tons of discussions with my docs a decision was made to take me off one of my meds. A med they had promised wasn't addictive. And then last year was discovered to be the most addictive in it's family! So even though I was only on less than half the maximum amount they thought it best to take me off of it and I couldn't agree more. As a lot of you know I've suffered from Morphine withdrawal in the past following poor pain management and I'm a big voice against over prescribing pain killers etc.

However, what they decided not to tell me (them being docs and hubby) was that I would already be addicted. So a gradual reduction over six months was planned and for the most of last year it was fine and I was none the wiser. However when I reached the last 6 weeks boy did the fun kick in (last two weeks in November and all of December!) Let's just say it wasn't yucky but more like watching a squirrel on speed. Exhausting and hallucinogenic!

Christmas was a little on the different side. Poor Chris had to work so my parents (god bless them) stepped in again and ferried me around Christmas Eve, Day and Boxing Day to all the family who carefully ignored the symptoms and instead propped me up in a chair and threw kids at me! My beloved nieces and nephew were a blessing and kept me hydrated and distracted. Adam took it very seriously (he's the youngest) and kept topping up my drink until I was swamped!

Then Piper and her mum stepped up and took me in for a couple of days. We were going to see John B in panto with a big group and so I made it into a small stay with them. Giving Chris time to finish his work. And since Piper is an expert on seizures and such I was in safe hands.

John B in Panto was soooo funny! And the girls I met in Birmingham were the best. Honestly was the best fun I've had in ages and they were completely mad. And Piper and me broke the Premier Inn! Honestly Donna the receptionist was such a good sport and the story is way way too long for here, but next time we meet up ask me about it because it was hysterical. Half of Birmingham have probably heard by now!

Back home for the New Year (just) I collapsed into bed for about 2 days and woke up feeling fantastic. It seems that John B and sleep is the cure for withdrawal!! As of January 3rd I'm on a new drug regime and so far so good. They say this time they've got it right and it's non addictive... yeah I'm not holding my breath! But no side effects, only a little tiredness and a few black outs (normal for me), which at P3 left Piper going "is there anybody there" in my ear like a psychic!. For those who haven't seen these don't worry, I don't pass out, I just stare off into space and go into a world of my own... a very special world were cats fly and chocolate is a fruit. I'm easily brought round by a Mcdonalds order! Also for the first time a convention we missed every party as I was so sleepy so I'm now in disco withdrawal... hmmm need party.

On a lighter note Tigs our new cat arrived on the 23rd and is adorable. Tail-less, brainless and fearless she is so like our old Smudge it is amazing. She has kept us going non-stop. She is getting on really well with the other two and just adores everyone. She is addicted to fuss and cries if she gets ignored. And she goes bananas when Chris goes to work, searching the house for him and then coming up to me in a huff wanting to know how we lost him!

And still things keep coming along. Piper and me are crashing Cardiff in April for John B's concert and to annoy Bekki, Bekki, Bekki, Bekki... Then beginning of May it's Jeanine and Karl's Steg do (Hen/Stag party) which amazingly is going to be in Liverpool in this hired apartment that sleeps 16. Is anyone else excited/worried at the same time. Boy are we going to NOT sleep that weekend. And then June is the wedding... hmmm must look at flights.

Chris and I are thinking of getting as many people here this year for a weekend. We tried it before but things keep coming up. So hmmm I forsee scalectrix, pinball, fruit machine, pool (yes we have all of that here!) mayhem. We only have spare beds for five plus floor space so it may mean some getting up close and personal...

Right off for now to poke cat.

Happy Mothering Sunday to all

Mel

A quick catchup for all my friends, I'm off to Vegas tomorrow. Chris is working this Christmas so we've had a pre-holiday vacation planned for a while and as we love Vegas because it is just so easy to relax there we thought it would be perfect. Though if I see an Elvis impersonator in Santa suit I may feel the need to run over them in my chair!

As usual we're crashing at the Venetian which is sooo cheap this time of the year it's well worth it for the complete luxury and pamperness.

And as we don't gamble and avoid most seedy things in life most people there think we're nuts for going there. But honestly it's such an entertaining place to go and have fun.

We're back on the 22nd. Get a new kitty on the 23rd, a 6 month old white/ginger cat who got attacked by a fox and lost her tail, hence no-one wants her! As we lost our own poor tail-less Smudge a few weeks ago, it seems like fate. Though what the other two will make of her will be fun!

As usual I am missing everyone so very much. Especially at this time of the year when I want to hug you all really really hard.

My mobile will be on in the States for text messages etc (it doesn't cost any more for you guys to text me than it normally does). We're driving up to London today to stay at Gatwick to make it easier so I won't be on the web after this morning.

Take care my loves

All my heart to you all

Mel

So imagine my surprise when I woke up Thursday to find that there had been a Police shoot out just down the road!

I live in a small country village in England!! Yeah there was a bank robbery and the Flying Squad from London came down and it ended up with the Police killing two and wounding one. Now the fun thing was that Smudge (cat number two) was due for his regular top up at the vet (now once a week) but Wednesday night we decided that he could afford to wait as he isn't in pain. Lucky thing really as Chris would have been on his way up the main road to the Vets right by the bank around the time it took place. Which would have meant sitting in car for a couple of hours with Pissed Off Cat! So our little village is now a hot bed of crime... not really.

I am now half way through my Tigger, Eeyore colouring project and making good use of the 72 Tria markers I now own. I can't say enough good things about these pens, it's like using watercolour. Fantastic, but addictive.

And to top the week off my mum got scammed by an official looking email from Nationwide and had all her details stolen. Luckily as soon as she realised her mistake (about 2 minutes after entering the details) she contacted Nationwide who admitted there is another Phishing scam in the works. So her account is frozen and I've now got to convince my parents yet again that the internet is not a big scary evil world! Oh and go round and clean up her computer so that Nationwide will unfreeze her account!! Oh the joy.

Oh the good news side Piper, myself and Chris are going to London next weekend to see John Barrowman and guests sing!

I just have to say there seems to be so much hostility online at the moment, as well as in everyday life I'm feeling rather sad about it all.

I mean everytime an angry word is exchanged online a kitten gets sucked into a black hole... help save the kittens!!

Just remember, someone can give you a reason to be angry but only you can make yourself angry.

Right annoyance aired I'm going to crawl back into bed, these meds are really screwing me up again and I want to be ready for G3.

Mel

Okay I'm back from San Francisco! What a city. We've had a fabulous time and there is so much to say but I'm knackered, so I'll save it up for a long post tomorrow, including San Jose, meeting fellow fans and seeing A Dog's Breakfast for a second time!

On the work front, thank you to everyone for your hugs and thoughts, I love you guys very much. While the union want me to appeal under the DDA (1994), and I have a good case, to be honest I wouldn't want to work there anymore. Most of my friends have left and as they've actually offered me a reasonable compensation package I'm going to go quietly. Yeah I know I don't do anything quietly but this is the right time.

So I'm taking a few months off, finish up with my hospital stuff in peace, then find myself another job. One where they'll know up front that I'm a hyperactive cripple!

Hugs and peace everyone

Love

Mel

please leave a message after the voice in your head...

I am now going offline and won't be back for a week. If you need me I'm in San Francisco chasing down A Dog's Breakfast... so text me!

Take care hons... see you in a week!

Yep, I've been fired, dismissed, sacked, booted out the door. I'm now officially on notice (the only good thing about going on medical grounds), but looking at my icon of David I can't be sad! I'm going to San Francisco tomorrow! And on Saturday I go to see A Dog's Breakfast San Jose Style. Yes Chris suprised me a week ago with tickets so now I'm going to be spending the next few days where there is a Ghiradelli Chocolate shop... Eeeek!

Thanks to everyone for the thoughts, I really am looking forward to not having to worry about work.

Hugs and peace

Mel

So I've got the phone call, tomorrow at 12:00 I will meet for the final time with my employers and find out if once and for all I'm fired.

God's it's been a long road this past 4 years. Part of me thinks that maybe it's for the best. My DDD was diagnosed and has rapidly progressed since I joined this company. Maybe it's time to start afresh somewhere else as a disabled person rather than work with people who have had the chance to know me as my old self, and have to see that look in their eyes.

Well tomorrow we find out

Hugs

Mel

(xposted to Myspace.com - apologies to those who get this twice!)

Thank you all for the hugs. And Mags thanks for the tackle that made me laugh. Sometimes all you need is a good cry (which I did to Mazzy Star) and then watch something funny. I woke up yesterday feeling so much better. And excited about going away at the end of the week. San Francisco here we come. I am taking orders for stuff while I'm over there. The usual sweets etc, sharpies... yeah weird but that's us.

Anyway thanks again, it's really weird how little electronic hugs are like miracle pills, but they are.

Mel

Listening to Mazzy Star probably isn't the best way to cheer myself up but I seem to be having one of those days.

I'm probably going to get fired next week for being unable to work due to my disability which sucks, I'm still waiting for my specialist appointment which isn't until 23rd March and my doctor can't do anything until then, and the hospital want me to have another sonomamogram before discussing any of my test results. Honestly following the last couple of years I though I was past the hospital stage but I just can't seem to get away.

Part of me knows that compared to most people I'm really lucky but I'm just so pissed off. I want not to have to worry about work. I want to be able to go a week without some kind of medical appointment. I want to go three months without a hospital appointment, hell a year would be good. And I want the bastards who charge so much for wheelchairs to go to hell! Honestly £1500 for the lightweight model I need is crap. You can get cheaper ones but they aren't adapted like my current one is.

The only bright light in my life is Chris and he keeps trying but it isn't fair on him. I've gone from such an energetic bright bubbly person to this wreck. And the stress of carrying me is starting to show. Honestly I'm not sure how he keeps doing it but he keeps going.

Right mini-breakdown over.

Hugs

Mel

So for those who know me and who were at Expo you have already had enough of this, so you may wish to skip along. But me being me, I need to document for my sanity a few things. I won't document the disagreement because that is not open for discussion here.

Firstly Chris and I resigned from the Tech Crew for Expo Events. We were basing our decision on how Sunday went and well, after a certain event organiser (not Brian) wouldn't let things go there really wasn't an option.

The funniest thing was that after I said that I'd rather leave Chris out of the disagreement because I was afraid he might lash out, was this certain person demanding (in front of Brian and Denise) to fight Chris! Chris, my darling, sweetest husband that you all know and love. Chris who wouldn't hurt a fly (literally he catches them). He wanted to get all fisticuffs with him. LOL!! Honestly he woudn't have stood a chance. I mean Chris maybe sweet and loving and I haven't heard him swear more than 6 times in the 16 years we've known each other, but he would kill anyone he thought was hurting me. Martin has seen him on that edge, it isn't pretty. Beside I have Wallace (my wheelchair) and I'm not afraid to use it. Though I still want Denises, it has indicators, and a horn! And it rises up and down, though Martin says the cherry picker goes higher than hers!!

Anyway after a long and hard weekend, and being crapped upon and once again not being thanked for dealing with this I expected more. It's stupid I know but I just expected respect. For those who don't know what volunteering at one of these events means it is the following. You turn up several days before the event (though I couldn't get there until Thursday evening this time), you get about 4 hours sleep a night if you are lucky, we get no lunch breaks, we get up at 6.00, we don't finish work until late evening, we don't get paid, we have to pay towards the hotel, we get no meal allowances, we get no time off during the event to visit the stands or exhibition itself, it involves physically putting together desks, carpetting, etc and then breaking it down. It is the most exhausting thing I have encountered and it is totally dependent on the good will of volunteers.

You maybe asking why we do it then?! Well we get to play with some cool equipment and keep our hands in on the technical side (most of us are trained sound, lighting, vt people) and we get to meet up with friends.

But in a life where at the moment I am battling an ongoing degenerative condition, am going through tests for breast cancer, am on extensive pain management that leaves me unable to function 90% of the time, and I am currently in the process of losing my only source of income, I seem to have little control over my life. But the one thing I can control is whether I expose myself to someone I found so poisonous that it made me physically ill the next day.

My love for Wolf Events, Martin, Brian, Denise, Sarah, Mark, Piper, Mattie and so on has not diminished and I am truly sorry for all those who got caught in the crossfire this weekend. I will still be attending Wolf Events. I am still Teching for SG11 and hopefully P2 if my health lets me.

For all my darling friends who I will be meeting up with at SG11 I can't wait to meet you there, you are not going to believe what I found out about Mattie that totally freaked me out! I mean at dinner on Saturday the group had to cover their ears while me and Mattie shrieked!

Love and kisses to all.

After spending 4 weeks running an audit at work with new guy Tom, I've discoverred that not only am I quite possibly mad but so is Tom.

First of all there was the Health and Safety quiz run today which ended with Chris Todd spilling hot soup over his leg, desk, chair and floor. Then the fact that OS2K05 server kept running out of kernel memory which led to 101 KFC jokes, and me losing half a day's work! Then Tom started humming a tune which only I recognised and after about 30 seconds the rest of the team realised that we were singing Fraggle Rock really quietly.

At this point Jane the quietest sanest person in the room asked not to be left alone with us ever again! Just because Tom and I were doing co-ordinated clapping as well as singing.

Then Linda announced that we were all have a deep clean session towards the end of September which led to hosepipes and water jokes. This is what happens when I have had too little sleep and weird dreams involving Vegas, Venetian, leaking ceilings and about 15 monkeys running rampant around the room. Small monkeys, like the one off of Pirates of the Carribean. And what was worse was that housekeeping wouldn't take it seriously about getting them to leave. I mean what am I supposed to do with 15 monkeys in Vegas...?!

Yep insane it is!

Anyhow, in a couple of weeks this insanity will be off to Cardiff for a concert on Saturday and Bekki stalking the rest of the weekend. We've got tickets to see The Storys who I saw as a warm up band in the summer. And this Saturday Chris and I are off to London Excel for a planning meeting for London Expo which is running at the end of October. There are some great guests going and I should be make my first big debut as MC at this event. I might have to act professional... help.

Right time to go and annoy some cats.

Hugs everyone

Okay I'm a bad LJ'er by not updating recently.

Firstly I am back at work on a permanent part time base (woo hoo) which means that I can now concentrate on adapting to leg issues (boo hoo) and am now on half my salary (wail!)

Secondly Galatica 2 was a blast. Mattie arranged a great feast on Sunday night which ended up with hysterics about naked grandmothers and funerals... really you had to be there! Also Mattie has decided to go to India (if I remember correctly) rather than my suggestion of a year around the M25.

Thanks to winning the t-shirt auction at G2, Mags has now got a ticket to Pegasus 2 courtesy of Aaron Douglas nagging Brian (From Santa to the Grinch in less than a second Cooney - were his words).

And Jeanine's house buying plans are now going better and Karl has seen it! And he loves it! So yays all round.

Bert the Cylon was a hit and we are hoping to get him ready this weekend so that he can become part of the Wolf Website as a streaming video. And we got a great photo from the Guests signed along the lines of "Best dancing cylon ever!"

Anyway to everyone who couldn't make G2 I missed you guys. You also missed me doing my first full weekend of MC'ing. Which wasn't fantastic as it meant competing with Aaron, though I did cut his mike off when he got mouthy!! Never annoy the sound techie. I've now got Expo to look forward to as full MC and Martin is wondering how to adapt the stage in case the wheelchair is in use. I think I've managed to persuade him that a lift platform out of the stage with an Organ playing is not the way to go!!

Thirdly I am now deep in Stargate Atlantis in preparation for Pegasus Two and the wonderful David Hewlett (scream!). So I'm trying to juggle reading fic and organise videos etc.

Right ramble over... I'm off to sort a couple of things. And read more fic probably!

Dear lord I wrote a fic. Okay a drabble but its over 120 words but I couldn't get it shorter. I just had to after watching Dr Who Tooth and Claw tonight. I have no idea if it's postable but what the heck.

( Read more... )

Mel
p.s. Vodka is evil apparently... if you need more info then Beks is just going to have to explain. Cause its just too funny!

Okay three posts in one day.... help me.

Mum has just phoned me to say that they have a brown rat in their garden. Honestly the woman is mad. Spouting nonsense about rats that is about thirty years out of date.

I may have to mount a rescue mission to her garden to save the rat! Anyone want one??

Okay forgot to say in my last rant/update... our pinball machine arrived!

Yep, the thing we've been saving for for about 10 years! One Pinball machine. Its monster huge and so much fun!! And the cats hate it.

So that now means that we've got a fruit machine (slot machine), pinball machine and the pool table is on order. Our games room is nearly complete!!!!! Woo Hoo!

Who wants to come stay this summer?

Okay BIG Spider just ran across the floor!

Oh and Bekki is hoping to get Chris and I to setup the Scalextric properly. So that will be running around the room. We just need a proper drinks machine and we're set.

Hugs and Kisses guys.

So work is going the usual PITA but the good news is that I've got an interview tomorrow for the IT Consultant position. I passed the emotional tests.... I mean do they know me! Stop laughing you lot! Anyway, I passed the Business Strategy Models test that I had to take (thank god!) and the two role plays. Now I just have to get through the interview.... hell!

Anyhow, after another flame attack on Time and Chips I'm outta there. Gotta say hating the hate. Ahhh if only the SDR lot would join me there. Apparently according to them there isn't a list out there that doesn't have err how was it put .... oh yes "wank" on it. Oh my god! Online for nearly 14 years and I've never come across such spoilt bratiness and terrible language.

I mean they are having a go a some poster over spoilers. Now come on, I mean that everyone knows me and how much I crash down on SDR over spoilers. Beth and I could start a hate list from some of the responses. (By the way my darling Beth how are you?). But to embarrass someone online about it, is just not acceptable. The webster dictionary defines "embarrass" as a : to place in doubt, perplexity, or difficulties b : to involve in financial difficulties c : to cause to experience a state of self-conscious distress.

To cause distress! Distress means suffering, anguish, grief in the dictionary. Why would anyone want to do that to another human being?

Beyond me... totally beyond me.

34 years old, with friends from Republic of Ireland, Northern Ireland, Wales, Scotland, England and yet I don't get it. We love one another. Our age range was from 14 (Beth you used to be that young!) to 40. You think with our differences we would be the ones to blow up and start trouble (Jeanine do I have to use the Aaron joke about the IRA - sorry hon).

Anyway I'm ranting - must breathe and relax.

To all my darlings - I love you - see you soon.

Okay okay total rant here.

After catching up from Pegasus One (convention) and lack of sleep I just got around to watching Dancing on Ice.

What the fuck happened! I feel like I just got run over. I'm almost in tears!

The only thing that makes me feel better is the look on the presenters faces. Philip Schofield was blown away and kept saying so and Andi Peters was mouthing "oh my god" in the background.

Are these judges nuts, insane, wacko, three fries short of a fucking happy meal!!!!!

I cannot believe that Kelly goes through but John who has been voted in the top three all the time gets voted off! Jesus this system is nuts.

Excuse my language... going to sulk now!

Mel

The best quote ever to go on my email signature comes from Dancing on Ice today, which was terrific. The results aren't in yet but I just have to post to say how I am loving this show.

And the quote? From Philip Scofield to John Barrowman after he fell during their routine, which by the way was outstanding!!

"That's extraordinary!! Flat on your backside and you're still in the lead!"

So many dirty suggestions, so little time!

Also please please let Sean get through, he's trying so hard.

p.s. I have applied for tickets for this show but god knows if I'll get any. I'd love to go see it!